I’m here in my hometown for a couple of days. Winding roads have been straightened, the old train trestle was torn down a couple of years ago for oil and gas business that moved into the region, rivers are bursting well beyond the banks, closing roads and businesses within its reach. Trees have fallen to logging and disease; the gravel township road beneath my parents’ house is sliding down the hillside without their support. Even the home I was born in is no longer the same; it has been torn down nearly a decade ago with a new structure put in its place.
Change is a part of life. Some things seem for the better; others not.
Today I visited both of my grandmothers. One is fighting Stage IV cancer and the other is falling into the early stages of dementia. Both went into decline right around the time I returned to India for the winter and visiting them was a top priority for my return to the states.
Over the summer as I was en route from Chiang Rai to Bangkok, I received the message that my uncle had suddenly passed away. I sat in shock on an overnight charter bus, surrounded by sleeping strangers, trying my best to quiet the tears. The biggest fear I faced during this most recent visit to India, was that a grandmother would pass and, for a second time, I would be physically absent as loved ones were mourning. The second biggest fear was that the memory and spirit of my other grandmother would be irreparably damaged and she would never recognize me again. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, neither of those became a reality.
Even though much has changed, today was a blessing. I watched how softly the light wrapped around wrinkles and cotton. One grandmother watched for birds out her window where my mom had placed a feeder on the nursing home lawn. The other, while difficult to watch slow into a confusion at times, also bounced back with a vibrancy and laughter that will be ingrained in my mind forever. I saw how lovely these women are; not as grandmothers, but as human beings; and in that sense, nothing has changed at all.
Leave a Reply